overanalyzed & overlyexaggerated

I’m just thinking there’s no way I can afford to pay for rent and a gas bill, by myself, plus put money away from New York, even though I work every day and do not have time for a second job. This really sucks and that means I’ll have to put even more burden on my mom since I’m pretty sure I will be the only person paying for rent (besides what my mom already does, which is a lot and I am grateful for it), this summer with my sister going to her internship (and I’m not upset or anything about that. She’s making something happen for herself and I couldn’t be more happier for her) in another state. It really just sucks being a college student and having that stupid 29 hours a week law  put into place the year I’m suppose to start helping for rent. 29 hours a week isn’t going to help with much at all. I really want to travel my last real summer break but it looks like New York is it, and that’s going to be a struggle just putting money away for.  *Sigh*

The end.

and I will play until I’m not angry at the supervisors at work anymore. So I’ll probably play it forever. 

and it feels terrible to be on the short end of that stick. I love my job but someone of the people who work here act so nasty sometimes. 

I feel so much better about everything. I feel light on my feet and happy once more. It’s hard to be happy when you dwell on all the negatives in life but after writing that, I feel like I have gotten it all off of my chest. Now I can worry about me. 

I know a lot of people do not like me because I can be an unruly bitch sometimes but I speak my mind. People who do not like someone who speaks their mind, you probably have lost touch with reality. In a world like this, a truth speaker is a blessing. Many people will lie, use and abuse a person but I am not that. I will be honest and not play around about anything. I also speak my mind in person first and then blog about it later as a stress reliever. I hate when people are so fake that you can see their fake ass intentions behind every word they say. I will never be one of those people. 

I was thinking recently that several friends that I’ve made since college, I’ve lost but then I thought about it. If it was meant to be, they would still be an active part of my life and I am also not one to play the role of a “convenient” friend. A convenient friend to me means that the person is only around when they want something from you. Whether its a favor, food, company (they remember about you when no one else is around), money, whatever the case. A convenient friend is not what I am and I refuse to have those type of people in my lives. I can’t stand people who remember you when they need something but forget all about you any other time. Those are fake friends and fake ass people. I do not have time for that crap. I want stable, concrete friends not loose soil type of friends. I need someone who will be in my life, whether they need me or not. I am growing up in my life so I need real friends and I do not have time for anything but.

I want to change, I might consider counselling again, I might consider going to grad school sooner than I thought, and I hate people.

The end.

Hmm…is this trying to be a sign?

I just worked on my youtube channel a little bit.

I’m basically making it to look like my tumblr, background-wise because its an awesome background.

I really need to get my foot off the ground when it comes to making videos. I have a few up but I want to really get into them but that requires money for a tripod and other junk that I don’t want to pay thousands of bucks for. I really want to make videos, I just can’t bring myself into spending a lot of money now for personal reasons.

I might just wait for a while before I start recording. I really want to put out a “fall back to school lookbook” soon but then after that I’m going on a hiatus until things get straightened out at home. Then I’ll come back full force and all.*crossing my fingers*

I hope. 

Because I get to watch Jerry Springer, Jeremy Kyle, and maury. Heck yes.

I don’t know why, I just don’t. Hmm, I should change that I guess.

Its a mixture of not eating (today), not sleeping (last night), taking my medicine (last night) that I haven’t taken all summer again, and being at work (right now). BLAH.

Someone just emailed me asking if they were scheduled to do a few tours because the person who was had the same name as them, they were out of town, and couldn’t get off of work.

1. No, you weren’t because you haven’t been here all summer and I’m not risking you not showing up without asking if you could do it first.

2. The people on the list emailed me asking to do it so, so no, once again.

So I answered her “It’s the person who has been doing summer tours and asked to do these tours.” And that’s it. I’m too sassy today but I really don’t have time for assuming.